Genie in the bottle

I always screw things up. I tend to push people away. All the time. Late night like this, here I am lying in my bed, listening to music and blogging with my iPhone. I feel like a freaking piece of mess. I don't give in sometimes, or most of the times. Sometimes, they say it'll reflect how much the other party really cares. I know everyone gets tired, everyone will walk away. The voices in my head say the most awful things. Words that I don't mean, thoughts which I overthink. I can be optimistic for others but for myself, I always think of the worst fucked up things ever. Overly pessimistic towards myself. This is one of the nights that I screwed up something again. I don't know what I really what. I'm afraid. Am I seeing the shadows of my past haunting me. That very idiotically stubborn self. Am I still the very same person as I used to be. Am I really ready for all these... Am I able to give happiness or misery. I lost abit of my confidence. My bad. I start to fantasize, to dream, and I get greedy. I don't know where I can vent all these terrible feelings. I don't wna spam fb tumblr or twitter. Neither do I wna spam here too much with all the terrible things I said. It wasn't that bad just now. I guess I screwed it up again. I become harsh, harsh and harsher. I guess I'd have to be a genie in a bottle. I'll keep it to myself. Me myself and I.